Clean
by Friendly Uncle
Summary: Pinkie Pie ponders a great mystery of the ponyverse.


**Clean**

by Friendly Uncle

Fluttershy sighed happily as she frolicked in the grass with her bunny friends, enjoying the light breeze and the warm sunshine. She loved moments like this. Without anypony about there was nothing between her and world she loved so much. She was was alone, happy, and free.

The pegasus pony's joy was infectious, and the bunnies were running circles around her while she pranced. Overhead the birds flew in wide arcs over them, chirping and singing merrily. Caught up in the moment, Fluttershy whirled and began to chase her own tail.

Not paying any particular attention to where she was going, Fluttershy therefore was in no position to do anything about running headfirst into Pinkie Pie's rump.

"Woah!" giggled the pink pony, "I didn't think you'd be THAT glad to see me! Hi Fluttershy!"

Fluttershy made a noise that only dogs can hear.

"Your face is all red!" Pinkie continued, "are you okay? You don't have a fever do you?"

"..."

"I had a fever once and let me tell you it wasn't very much fun at all! I completely lost my appetite! Do you have any idea how many times that's happened? Once, that's how many times it's happened. Never again."

"... m'sorry I... ran into your... butt."

"Don't worry about it! What's a little buttdiving between friends?"

Fluttershy's squeak would have shattered glass. Pinkie Pie blinked and rubbed her ears with her hooves.

"...so anyway, I hope I didn't interrupt anything, but I wanted to ask you a question if it's not too much trouble? It's actually a question for Rainbow Dash and I would have asked Rainbow Dash except it's the kind of question other ponies usually yell at me for asking them and I really didn't want Rainbow Dash to yell at me but I thought it's really a question that I could ask any pegasus pony and at the same time I was thinking if there's any pony that wouldn't yell at me it's probably you Fluttershy and then I realized hey you're a pegasus pony so you can probably answer my question without yelling at me and then I don't have to get yelled at by Rainbow Dash!"

Fluttershy had backed slightly away from Pinkie Pie by now and was alternating between looking at the ground and letting her hair fall in front of her face and giving the pink pony quizzical looks as she tried to follow what she was saying.

"... what?"

She hadn't succeeded.

"What what?" Pinkie was almost breathless with curiosity.

"... what did you want to ask me, Pinkie Pie?"

"Oh, right! That!"

Fluttershy heaved a tired sigh.

"How does Rainbow Dash go to the bathroom?"

Fluttershy's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates and slowly slid over to stare incredulously at Pinkie Pie, who was smiling hugely at her in anticipation.

"What... why would... Pinke... she... I mean... that is... just... I don't know about... Rainbow Dash SPECIFICALLY, but... pegasus ponies... go the same way any other pony goes, Pinkie."

Pinkie's expression gave way to horrified confusion.

"But earth ponies don't go to the bathroom up in the air."

Fluttershy jerked back as if she'd been slapped.

"Uhm... we don't... I mean... it's not like we... it's really not any different Pinkie... I don't know why you... think it is."

"Well you know, 'cause you fly and all!"

"I don't fly when I'm going to the bathroom, Pinkie!"

"But what about the house!"

Fluttershy stared at Pinkie Pie, a vague sense that she was missing something starting to creep over her.

"What house? Rainbow Dash's house? What does that have to do with going to the bathroom?"

"How do you put a toilet in a cloud?"

"...oh. OH. Oh. I... I thought you... uh... I thought you were asking about the... you know... the mechanics..."

"Oh! No, just the plumbing."

They looked at each other.

"... I've never used the bathroom in Rainbow Dash's house," Fluttershy finally said, edging slightly away from Pinkie Pie. "I don't know how it works."

"Oh, nerts. I guess I'll have to find out straight from the pony's mouth, then. Thanks Fluttershy!"

"...you're welcome?"

* * *

><p>Rainbow Dash soared lazily through the skies over ponyville, grinning at the sensation of the wind rustling through her wing feathers. Normally she would be rocketing about as quickly as her third pair of limbs could propel her, but today she'd been hard at work eliminating stormclouds, and was all tuckered out. Time to enjoy her second favorite activity after moving really really fast, which ironically was not moving at all.<p>

A frown slowly spread across the multicolored pegasus pony's face as she landed on the stretch of cloud that was attached to the front of her castle. There was something on her "lawn". Something that looked remarkably like a bicycle with a large propeller attached to the top. And it was painted mostly pink.

Rainbow Dash entered her house slowly and quietly, looking around and listening intently.

"...Pinkie Pie? Are you in here?"

Somewhere off in one of the back rooms Dash heard a loud gasp, followed by the soft cottony noise of hooves on cloud, and then Pinkie Pie stuck her head into the main hall.

"Oh, hi Rainbow Dash! How are you?"

Dash's eyes narrowed.

"Pinkie, what are you doing in my house?"

Pinkie danced in a quick, nervous circle.

"I was... uh... looking for the bathroom."

Dash felt her jaw drop open.

"I've really gotta go."

"... you... had to go to the bathroom... so you concocted a fantastical pedal-powered flying machine and rode it all the way up here to my house which is floating high up in the sky to see if you could use my bathroom?"

Pinkie stared at Dash for a long moment and then said, with absolute conviction, "Yes."

"...oh, okay. It's down the hall, third door on your left."

"The... third door? I uh... I was already in there Dash, there isn't a toilet in that room, it's just a big blank room with a dip in the middle of the floor."

Dash grinned.

"Oh, you've never used a PEGASUS toilet before, have you Pinkie Pie?"

Pinkie's face lit up.

"Oh, you mean it is different? I was kind of wondering! So how does it work, magical manure fairies that-"

"No, I think that's a unicorn toilet. Just go in there and do your business and then press the button on the wall.

"Okay!"

* * *

><p>Mr. and Mrs. Cake looked up as the door to their shop abruptly opened to admit a thoroughly sodden Pinkie Pie.<p>

Mr. Cake blinked. It wasn't raining out today, how did...?

"Hi Mr. Cake! Hi Mrs. Cake! I'm going to go to my room now. I'll see you tomorrow morning! Bright and early!"

Pinkie's voice was full of her usual manic cheerfulness, but her eyes were wide and staring as though she'd seen a ghost. Mr. and Mrs. Cake simply watched as she slowly made her way to the back, leaving a trail of what they hoped was water.

Before the door to Pinkie's room shut, Mrs. Cake would have sworn she heard the pink earth pony muttering to herself.

"Too clean... TOO clean...!"

-end

* * *

><p>Author's note: This was the second one shot I did for the MLP franchise; it's been on Googledocs for a while, but I just now got around to uploading it here. I can't really remember what inspired it- I mostly wanted to write Pinkie Pie, and it occurred to me that of all ponies, she'd be the most likely to ask questions of a biological nature.<p>

A lot of people don't get the ending, but that's mostly because they're trying to figure out what actually happened in Rainbow Dash's bathroom. The answer is it was wet and traumatic, and that's about all I ever bothered to determine and all anyone needs to know. Do you really want a thorough description of a process that could dampen Pinkie Pie's enthusiasm? No, I didn't think so.

Now I'm going to write chapter five of the Creature that Came to Ponyville. Good night!


End file.
